"At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet."
-Plato-

Thursday, November 4, 2010

MAC, can i just leave it and like get it out of my life?

My uncle wants me to go for a Adam Khoo course to teach me how to be a leader. He wants me to go for a English tuition at Yio Chu Kang. Roots they call it. I want to go for the compre skill tuition. I have to go for NYP attachment on 15 nov - 22 nov. cannot skip.. Still got work shadowing dun even noe if im in or not or what time it is. They never tell me. They never told me anything. MAC. Im afraid i have to drop out. Since i aint doing anything that needs doing and i feel like im alone and i am not contributing. And they inform me at the last minute. Like todae, When im like 2 km away playing soccer..

*Sms ring tone* SHIT!! AFTER MY MUM CALL!! I GK LEH!! *off phone* *break time* *check phone* Siti? *checks message* OH DAMM!

In the end i never go. Checking all the times.. There are more than 2 clashes. MAC will clash with NYP. MAC if i never go, then im irresponsible. NYP, if i never go, Im also irresponsible. then.. The council thingy, 28 Dec, a whole dae thing. Got NCC training, Im the admin, But i have to go for it. Is this what Afiq felt when he was the admin specialist? He is my model that i follow. His commitment is there, though not as obvious. I wish i can be as good an Admin as him.

On the NCC board, My name is not there. Im not selected for any courses.

You know what this means? This means that im no longer needed and i am now an Outcast. The timetable Mr Goh put up seems screwed up. There is no timetable, We dun even noe what the firetruck we are supposed to do. The cadets dunno what the hell they need to do. And the NCOs are at a lost and we are to blame for not taking initiative. Nobody call me to tell me what i should tell Mr Goh, Even if i got tell him, He wouldnt put anything of that sort on the board, just some friggin basic info.

Somebody said before that if we dunno for what firetrucking reason we have to do something, then we would not firetrucking do it.

=========================================
Forgo.

Forgo, 
a strong word.
Not as strong as Forsake.
Neither is it as strong as Forgive.

I can forgo what you've done to me.
I can forgo what you've said to me.
I can forgo how you reacted to me.
But,
I can neither forgive nor forget,
That you hated me and you pushed me away.
But i am willing to forsake myself if you'll forgive me.
For i never meant to forget you.
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Im tired, yes, Im tired, dun expect anything funny now. This is a time when i feel like killing myself and jumping into the river and jumping of the cliff. To cover myself over the head with a blanket.



I declare that from now on, I shall not have anything to do with her. I shall not go for her, neither shall i try to take her from someone else. I shall treat her as per normal like i should. Like before, Like in the future.

Jason.

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